2 years tomorrow. People lie, by the way. Time doesn't heal. It might make the hurt fade away or get covered by something else, but its always there. That pain... well it never stops. Since I know I won't have the heart to do this tomorrow, a few quick words on my dad.
He was incredible. Smart, kind, caring, so generous, loving.... the kind of father everyone should have. He married my mom when I was a young 6 years old. And was dad to me from day one. He never treated me or my brother any differently than the two children he had with my mom. Always fair, always making sure all was equal. Probably hard to do with 4 kids.
I have a lot of regrets. I was a truly horrid teenager and was not very nice to him. Just when he got sick, we were finally starting to develop a real, adult relationship. I loved to talk politics with him. We agreed on so much and he was so open-minded about what we didn't. He loved to hear about school, and actually cared what was going on with my friends and in my social life. I wish I had gotten more time. Time to show him how much I loved him. How much I appreciated everything he did for me. How important he was to me.
I cried for him for the first time in a while today. For my mom and my baby brothers. For me. For our loss. For the fact that he will never get to see the woman I am becoming. The woman that he helped me become, every step of the way.
I am not a religious person, but I have to believe that he is somewhere watching me and my family. Instead of praying to "God", I like to talk to my dad. It's comforting. I feel his presence when I do and it never fails to calm me down.
So, thank you dad. Thank you for everything you did for me and all the love you gave to me. I wouldn't be me if I hadn't had you. I sure hope he needed you up there, because we could have really used you down here. I miss you everyday.
I love you.
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