The Many Ways in Which Life can Flip on You

I delved, temporarily, into the world of blogging, but let it fall to the wayside without much thought. It was much easier to bitch over cocktails with my best friends then to sit down and thoughtfully describe what was going on in my life. But every thing is different now. My party days caught up with me, in a less than pleasant way, and I ended up living with my biological father in Texas. And Texas is where I still am. I no longer have a plethora of counselors (aka fantastic friends) to choose from, so I thought I would try this again.

Let's start with the abbreviated version of how I ended up in the Lone Star State. It all begins with a boy... surprise surprise. This time, I really thought I had it right. He was "the one." I couldn't imagine life without him. He was my everything. However, my party habits had gone to a whole new level, and while he participated at times, my inability to stop was a constant problem. We decided to stop and made it about 9 days. February 13, 2012, I caved in and brought home some party favors. He partook, but the next day (if you are keeping track, that would make it VALENTINE'S DAY), was very upset with me and after a very unpleasant and long fight, ended the relationship. I was living with him, so I packed up my belongings and bolted. And proceeded to spend the next 3 days in a drug/alcohol induced haze. I couldn't tell you what I did in that time period. I am sure I cried and yelled a lot. I was staying in my old room (that was still luckily unoccupied) at the house I had shared with my best friend. And my behavior and actions scared her in a way they never have in the nearly 15 years we have been friends. Enough so that she decided to seek outside help. From my mother. On day 3 of the binge, I got a phone call from my mom, inviting me to dinner at her house. I knew something was going on, but I showed up. And what I walked into was a full blown intervention. This was a Thursday. I was informed my flight left for Texas on Saturday and I would be entering rehab on Monday. I had one day to pack up my whole life and ship it half way across the country.

Saturday rolled around and I said my very painful goodbyes and boarded that plane. Walking away from my best friend, who has always been in the same house as me, or at least the same city, or at the very least, a 6 hour car ride away... was the hardest goodbye of all. It was like walking away from your sister. The person you have shared your life with and never gone more than a few weeks without seeing. I cried almost the entire plane ride to Dallas. And most of the weekend before I went to rehab. But I was determined to turn my life around so I could return home and make my family and my friends proud.

Bennett Cole Short

Things changed even more than I even though possible during my admittance into rehab. I was informed that I was around 4-5 weeks pregnant. At the time, this news was devastating. I knew I would keep the baby, but I had no idea how I would make it work. I informed my ex- boyfriend, who since then, during my pregnancy, has made it perfectly clear he wants nothing to do with me or his child. A hard thing to accept, but something I am now at peace with. And now, come October 27th, I will have a beautiful baby boy. One who I truly believed saved my life. And will continue to save my life and make it better every day for the rest of my life.

30 weeks :)

So this blog will still be about growing up.... but it will be about growing up in an entirely different way. Growing into a parent, into a single mother. Growing with my son. Building our life together. And all this while still battling an addiction, something I have been assured will be with me for life. But I strongly believe between the immense love I already have for my son and my desire to live a better life and make it back home to Idaho one day, I can handle anything. I am so excited for the adventures this next chapter of my life holds for me. And I absolutely CANNOT WAIT to meet my little boy. I am now 32 weeks along, so in around 7-8 weeks, I will get to hold Baby B in my arms for the first time and feel what true love is.

This blog is mostly for me. A place to remind myself that I am capable of anything and can overcome any obstacle. But anyone is welcome to tag along for the ride. It is sure to be an interesting one - never a dull moment with me!